Hortiscope
By: Medicinal Mike Boris
@medicinal_mike
ARIES
Your grower’s instinct says that that plant shouldn’t have blue leaves, but the buds smell so good. Ignore instinct this just for this week. Something blue and wonderful is coming your way. Just have a little faith.
TAURUS
Your buddy on the left keeps getting skipped in the circle and you’re the lucky one who gets to hear about it. Make sure he knows the squeaky wheels get the oil. You might learn something about your own smoking etiquette.
GEMINI
Have you been volunteered to make all the brownies? Except you don’t know how to make brownies? Don’t worry just wait to do it. Nobody likes the crayon flavored brownies you’re making.
CANCER
You need some pain-relieving CBD and the dreaded “exercise”! The best part of being a cannabis smoker is setting a great example. Go get some health in your life and watch those aches and pains disappear.
LEO
You spent all morning heating a dab for the homie but they are nowhere to be found. Don’t get too worried. They are just a little lost and neglected themselves a little. Hang in there!
VIRGO
The only thing worse than finding out someone ruined a joint is finding out it was you. The circle will be a bit angry but just give them space to forget how horribly you roll. Can’t hurt to supply the next puff.
LIBRA
Are you trying to build one of those cool apple pipes but drawing a blank as to where to put the carb? Sit back enjoy a smoke and get a bushel of apples. You are going to make a lot of sauce but you will get it right…eventually.
SCORPIO
Did cannabis make you psychic this week? You’re just forgetting you have caller ID and knowing who’s dialing you isn’t as mystic when you’re not high. Ease up on the assumptive advise this week and stop wondering if your telepathic. People thinks it’s weird how you’re looking at them.
SAGITTARIUS
You are well medicated and enjoy a good meditation. You need to listen to yourself because the inner stoner inside needs a little attention. You may just be receiving garbled telepathic messages from a confused Scorpio.
CAPRICORN
You are tripping out on the amount of cash you have spent on wax this week! Good news is you’re over reacting as usual. Spending $14 in a week is usually not perceived as bad as you are making it. Toughen up or get a new hobby.
AQUARIUS
Your whole group got food poisoning from a bad edible and you’re waiting for the explosion to hit home. Luckily, it’s being exaggerated and you should be safe. Just in case though better not eat edibles made in an apartment closet.
PISCES
You are self-educating this week! Maybe pick up a copy of a Jack Herrer book. It may be hard to understand at first but soon you will be the growing expert everyone will look up to.
