Hortiscope

By Medicinal Michael Boris

Aries

(03/21-04/19)

You accidentally lipped the joint, held It too long, and ruined the rhythm of the circle. The only thing worse than that is you still have to tell the fellow smoker on the left the bad news. This is also a good week to try and regrow that plant. You couldn’t grow before but something is working in your favor that will make those buds bloom.

Taurus

(04/20-05/20)

Everybody will have an opinion on how you roll your joint this week and it will start to get under your skin. You have nothing to worry about because you already knew you liked a pregnant joint anyway, and any weed that fell out of the tip is because the Cannaverse wanted to get high too and you’re a giving person. What they don’t understand shouldn’t concern you as you would still be happy smoking alone.

Gemini

(05/21-06/20)

You have spent all week placing your garden, digging your plot, and planting your seed to grow into huge buds, but you only did this in your head! Time to stop dreaming and to start doing. The only difference between thinking about that next big bloom and actually doing it is you burn fewer calories. So get out of your head haze and get that shovel into the ground.

Cancer

(07/21-07/22)

You are a marijuana gourmet this week and you’re showing everybody all your secret ingredients trying to help your community. Someone is trying to make your brownies seem like their own, and not give you the credit you deserve. Beware when you’re giving out that knowledge that it will be exactly that given away. So give freely this week…Seriously think before you speak.

Leo

(07/27-08/22)

This is your week to try that wacky new strain you’ve kept hidden away in your drawer. Find yourself a friend and invest your time into something crazy like “I love cannabis” t-shirt idea you’ve been mulling over in your head. Everybody wants what you have to offer so just give it to them already.

Virgo

(08/23-09/22)

This month you are being a bit meticulous with the weed! You only like taking bong rips this week to complain that you hate taking bong rips. You need someone to listen to you or your going to explode! Take a second to figure out what is wrong. Are you holding the lighter too long? Are you not putting ice into it? Relax nothing is worth complaining about that much especially when you’re not sure why you’re angry.

Libra

(09/23-10/22)

Temporary memory loss is only a short-term side effect! You will forget something this week that you think is important. Like where did I leave my shoes… again. Turns out you don’t want to go back to where you left them, trust me! Just buy some new shoes and probably pick up some socks too. Chances are you’ll forget this too.

Scorpio

(10/23-11/21)

Congratulations! You have invented the dabs to cure cancer. The only bad thing is you’re not taking the time to set-up a rig and enjoy a puff yourself. You’re already focused on the next big thing thinking you’ll have the same success. You will, but no rush so enjoy a good head change. Take some you time.

Sagittarius

(11/22-12/21)

OMG! You’re about to get ripped off! It’s a new day and age stop buying your cannabis behind dumpsters and in dark alleys! Doing a little extra window shopping is going to get you the best deal on your meds this week.

Capricorn

(12/22-01/19)

Accept every invite into every circle this week! You are finally the funniest guy in the circle prompting people to give you a bunch of extra blessings. There are people who need that smile this week so give it to them all because yours is contagious.

Aquarius

(01/20-02/18)

In your quest to create the most awesome windmill looking joint every rolled you start to over plan it. Remember when this was something fun for you to do? Now you’re so focused on details that you forgot that sometimes you need to just roll one up and smoke it just to enjoy the next roll.

Pisces

(02/19-03/20)

One joint leaves your hand and another appears. One joint leaves your hand and water appears! What a great week you’re going to have! Everything in life is working for you as if there’s a genie in your pocket. Use those wishes wisely and send out some positive energy as its sure to come back to you.