By Maddie Allard
IG: @bad__elyn
There have been many moments in my adult life that I’ve disappointed my dad. Starting with when I registered to vote, and I came out as a Democrat.
“I can’t believe you’re a Dummycrat. Just wait until you actually start earning money, then you’ll be a Republican.”
Or the time I revealed I was a vegetarian,
“You’re a vegetarian? What do you eat? You know with your depression you really should be getting as many nutrients as possible. I don’t want you having another breakdown because you don’t eat meat.”
When he learned I had not one but two tattoos he was rendered speechless, but when he learned I had five?
“You know people don’t like to hire people with tattoos. They’re unprofessional. You’re going to end up earning less money than you could be earning. And take out that nose ring too.”
But nothing floored him like the day he found out I smoked weed. Since then, he tells me “facts” about marijuana. I love my dad, I really do, but when he tells me these facts, he sounds like Donald Trump eagerly regurgitating stuff from Breitbart.
In his defense, he is the king of alternative facts. Did you know there was a MIT (or is it Yale?) study proving women only earn less because they’re bad negotiators? Or that NOAA has scientific evidence that global warming isn’t real? And apparently, it’s always Nancy Pelosi’s fault when something negative happens in California (my favorite one).
In this series, I will be quoting a fact from my darling dad, and fact checking for him. My therapist has told me it’s a healthier option than getting in a fight with him every time it’s brought up.
Fact 1:
Colorado’s Crime Rate Has Skyrocketed Since Marijuana Legalization
Holy shit is Colorado a MESS. Since legalization, stoners have gone as crazy as a Florida Man on bath salts. Shootings, stealing, and screaming in the street. People driving like zombies, swerving into traffic and killing innocent children. Bongs causing explosions that make meth labs look like campfires.
Now, don’t get too worried for the residents of Colorado. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Apparently, this 2012 amendment was only a test run. Legislators are working right now on revoking the law and criminalizing weed once again. Soon mothers will be able to leave their houses with their children without worrying about riff raff high on dope forcing them to smoke a doobie.
My question is: why is this only happening in Colorado? What about other states where it’s legalized? Is it the altitude? Or is it because I once expressed interest in moving to Colorado?
The Reality of Things
If my dad did a quick Google search to support his claims, I’m sure Jeff Session’s comments really resonated with him. I’m not even joking when I say that the third article that pops up is “Sessions: Legal pot drives violent crime, statistics be damned”.
One of those damned statistics? Violent crime rates decreased by 6 percent from 2009 to 2014 according to the Colorado Department of Public Safety. Never mind the fact that arrests related to marijuana have decreased by 46 percent between 2012 and 2014. As for incidents regarding DUI, statistics show alcohol causing around double the damage that THC does. According to the Drug Policy Alliance, legalization actually reduces harm and promotes consumer safety.
So, is marijuana causing the downfall of morality in the lovely state of Colorado? Or is my dad trying to kill two birds with one stone by making up negative statistics about Colorado, thus changing my recreational habits and making me change my mind about uprooting my life and moving cross country?
Studies* show it’s the latter.
*My own google search.
