By Cara Anderson
IG: @carajojo
Advisory: This article covers sensitive topics such as domestic abuse and substance abuse.
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My heart heaves each time I hear the story of someone who has been abused or hear about yet another person sacrificing their future in order to continue denying their substance problem. I have experienced both, and although that reality may make you uncomfortable, I share that to let you know that I am not judging; I know how it works first hand.
There is a strong and direct correlation between substance abuse and domestic abuse. 75% of people convicted of abusing their partner were under the influence of some substance at the time of the abuse. Again, this is a strong and direct correlation. Point blank.
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I use the word “abuse” in multiple ways. Domestic abuse can be physical, sexual, psychological, and financial. Physical abuse is physically hurting a partner, oftentimes leading to murder. Sexual abuse is forcing, coercing, or attempting sexual acts with an unconsenting person. Psychological abuse is verbal or emotionally abusing someone; berating, belittling, withholding communication, insulting their intelligence, threatening them, etc. Financial abuse is withholding someone’s economic resources. “Abuse” is also used as “substance abuse” wherein someone’s consumption of a substance poses harm to themselves or others.
Fifty percent of transgender people encounter domestic abuse in their lifetime. According to the CDC, one in four women has been the victim of intimate partner violence or domestic abuse. One in seven men has been the victim of domestic abuse.
In the United States, a woman is beaten every fifteen seconds. So, if you read as quickly as I do, seven women have been abused in the time it took you to get to the end of this sentence.
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Rates of domestic abuse are higher for people who abuse drugs and alcohol. When both the partner and abuser are drinkers and drug users, the risk of domestic abuse increases. Furthermore, a person who uses alcohol is less likely to leave an abusive partner. Experiencing domestic violence can also lead to victims becoming dependent on drugs and alcohol. It’s a vicious cycle.
Substance abuse oftentimes coexists with mental illness, can exacerbate mental illness, or can otherwise cause the onset of mental illness. Cocaine, for example, can cause psychosis and is additionally largely used by people who display narcissistic behavior. This is relevant to domestic abuse as many abusers have co-occurring drug addictions and mental disorders.
“Narcissistic men are also more likely to commit domestic violence because of their egocentrism and lack of empathy, although many men who commit violence are not narcissists,” says a study by Kent State University. (The majority of reported domestic abuse cases deal with men as the abuser. Male victims of domestic of abuse are likewise considerably less likely to report an incident of abuse.)
The displays of narcissistic behavior can be lack of empathy, obsession with power, unrealistic views of self as “untouchable,” exploiting others, lack of appreciation for others, arrogance, controlling behavior, manipulation, and requiring the spotlight at all times. Considering this, and the psychological effects of cocaine, it makes perfect sense why narcissism and cocaine abuse are tied so tightly.
The ability to discard someone else’s well-being, the belief that one cannot be stopped, the compulsive behavior that risks the well-being of oneself and their partners, friends, or family. These are the reckless behaviors I have witnessed and heard accounts of that are detrimental to our communities and selves. The effects of substance abuse and a denial to address these problems leads to violence. Once again, in cases of domestic abuse, 75% of abusers are under the influence when they lash out. Alcohol and cocaine are the most common substances linked to domestic abuse.
Speaking out against domestic abuse, telling your friends honestly and earnestly when they have a substance abuse problem, and removing yourself from abusive or potentially abusive situations can and will save lives. For people with substance abuse problems, treatment is necessary if you wish to proceed with a joyful life; putting your health, career, and loved ones at risk are all signs that you have a substance abuse problem.
Not all alcoholics drink every day; alcoholism can be either alcohol dependency or alcohol abuse. When someone drinks alcohol and their personality changes, that is a telltale sign they have a “problem” with alcohol. It is proven that alcohol is one of the most commonly linked substances to domestic abuse.
Likewise for other drugs, like cocaine; not everyone who has a “problem” with cocaine uses every day. It is proven however that cocaine creates feelings of hostility, paranoia, anger, and depression. Cocaine is known to increase the production of Cortisol, the stress hormone. Research conducted on athletes that use alcohol or cocaine showed a decreased level of strength and endurance. It is proven that cocaine is yet another of the most commonly linked substances to domestic abuse.
Drugs inhibit euphoric feelings and dopamine production. That’s why people throw away their entire lives for them. That’s why you see substance abusers sacrifice what they love most for the drug. Does the temporary euphoria negate the after effects for you?
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I grew up around substance abusers. I have seen, from a young age, the detriment of continued substance abuse. I have lost friends and watched family wither from substance abuse. I learned that the only way to show someone that you care about their problem is to make it apparent. Telling someone you think they don’t have a problem because you’re scared of how they will react to the truth will only enable them to keep hurting themselves and others. Honesty with ourselves and people who truly matter outshines all else.
Everyone I’ve told, essentially, “I think you have a problem,” has gotten upset. Either embarrassed, sad, or angry with me. No one wants to be told about themselves or criticized for their behavior. Anyone I’ve told that to who has taken it upon themselves to change, (taken control of their impulses, erratic behavior, and substance abuse,) has forgotten the anger they felt towards me in those moments.
I implore you if you think your friend is abusive; whether abusing a person or abusing substances, do not be afraid to tell them. You do not want to know the sinking regret of not telling them, and watching them crash. Chances are, if you don’t help them, you may see your friend spiral out of control, hit rock bottom, hurt someone, hurt them self, end up in jail, lose their job, lose their family and loved ones; the list goes on.
If you have experienced abuse- know that I, and many others, stand to support you. You are not alone. You are not at fault for what you have experience.
I am not a doctor, therapist, counselor, nor do I regard myself as a perfect person. We all have flaws; I am not passing judgment. As I stated before, I have experienced both domestic abuse and substance abuse. I simply care, and I have the utmost desire in my heart to help others who are going through the throes of abuse.
