By: Jayna Anderson | @snowleoppy
We’ve all been there. Catching ourselves nearly drowning in a wiki hole, or wandering down that long dark hallway of opinion-as-fact blogs. Maybe you’ve had hours vanish after stumbling upon YouTube videos of the Chinese military marching, while Salem surges through your speakers. Suddenly, while watching adult swim infomercials at 3 am, you realize why the Snapchat facial recognition exists. Or how convenient the release of Pokemon Go was. All that time spent listening to podcasts about Richard Ramirez comes crumbling down around you. You start screening your calls, turning off all location services. Good bye Instagram, hello Privacy Settings. You’re constantly attempting to peel disinformation away from the truth. Here’s a quick list of Do’s and Don’t’s to avoid tumbling over the cliff’s edge separating Woke Ass Bitches from Paranoid Creep-o’s.
DO take a deep breath
DON’T hold your breath
DO stretch daily
DO stretch naked in your bedroom with the blinds up
DON’T invite your neighbors to watch
DO recognize the potency of smartphones
DON’T delete every social media app on your phone
DO be aware of what you text
DON’T text your mom cryptic messages
DON’T share your location services
DO avoid heavily patrolled areas
DON’T tell people your phone is being tapped
DO eat a lot of ice cream, preferably Dulce de Leche
DON’T watch Jimmy Neutron Family Happy Hour
DO stay informed
DON’T listen to the Jonestown Death Tapes before bed
DON’T do it again the next night
DO talk to your pets
DON’T narrate your neighbors every move to your cat
DON’T sit by the window peeping through the blinds
DO have lots of sex
DO it on camera
DON’T put it online
DO put it online
DON’T forget to turn the webcam off
DO have sex in a park within potential eye sight of strangers
DON’T get caught
DO practice open communication
DON’T text your crush at 2 am to talk about the abduction nightmare you just woke from
DO know what a weather balloon looks like
DON’T read opinion-as-fact blogs
DO go to the desert
DON’T stay there
DO read the Indigenous People’s History of the United States
DO read about the New Jim Crowe, the Industrial Prison Complex, & Systematic Oppression
DON’T connect either to Lizard People
DO watch the news
DON’T go on Web MD
DON’T start diagnosing your friends
DO learn about holistic medicine
DON’T always trust your doctor
DO pay attention to big Pharma
DON’T become a prescription zombie
DO be careful who you talk to
DON’T let people call you Spooky Mulder
DO go to protests
DON’T hand out pamphlets
DO soak your feet in epsom salts
DON’T go near any technology while soaking
DO read Science Fiction
DON’T forget it’s Science Fiction
DO explore other dimensions
DON’T get stuck there
DO drink your damn tea
DON’T drink it cold
DO support others
DON’T do it blindly
DO recognize the current police state
DON’T forget to vote
DON’T forget who you are
DO check your privileges
DO trust your intuition
DON’T get gaslit
